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back to EMPATHY/SYMPATHY topics
Positive discipline strategies can help
your child understand the consequences of misbehavior while encouraging
sympathy and empathy.
Researchers studying moral development have
found that parents who are supportive yet insistent on appropriate
behavior generally see better behavior in their children, including
sympathy and empathy, at home, with friends, and at school. In contrast,
parents who rely only on physical punishment and threats end up
with lower sympathy levels in their children.
When children misbehave, an effective
disciplinary strategy is to focus on how their behavior has affected
someone else.
- Call attention to the insensitive or uncaring
behavior. Tell your child when her behavior is inappropriate or
mean, and be specific. "Storming away from Mommy and screaming
when she asks you to put down the doll makes Mommy upset and does
not allow you to play longer."
- Express and explain your disapproval. These disciplinary
moments are opportunities to make sure your child understands
exactly why you disapprove of her action and why you expect something
different.
- Ask your child, "How would you feel?"
Have your child put herself in the other person's shoes. Prompt
your child to label emotions. The misbehavior may have been caused
by another emotion your child was feeling.
- Teach your child to recognize the consequences
of her behavior. "When you pushed Ann off the slide, she
hurt her knee. She went home because she thought you didn't want
to play with her."
- Praise your child when she does express empathic
or sympathetic behavior. Pointing out the big effects of small
gestures, such as how happy the drawing made Daddy feel, or how
much fun she and her friend had when they shared a toy, is a simple
way to encourage unselfish acts.
How would this feel if it happened to you?
One of the best ways to prompt empathy and sympathy
is to take the other person's side. If your child and a sibling or
friend are arguing about sharing a toy or inviting someone to play,
these are perfect opportunities for some role-swapping. Ask your child
to think about what the other person is saying, feeling, and thinking
and to respond as if she were that person. Puppets can be a great
way to practice with younger children.
Adopting someone else's perspective does not
need to be reserved for conflicts. Children can benefit from imagining
themselves in someone else's shoes in many different situations:
the new kid in their class, a disabled person trying to cross the
street, a neighbor who needs help, or a friend whose feelings were
hurt. "How would you feel if this happened to you?" is
a question that cannot be asked too often!
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