CCW: Parenting Tips>>Discipline




	Discipline is teaching. Use positive discipline techniques and consistency to teach your child to make wise choices, think about actions and their consequences, and set boundaries. Your infant depends on you for everything. Because crying is the main way he communicates, it is important to respond to his needs. Knowing that he can depend on you to be there when he needs you lets him feel safe. A predictable and secure environment makes it easier for your child to enjoy his new surroundings and to learn from what he experiences. Since your child learns through exploration and does not know what is safe from what is harmful, it's important to baby-proof your house. That way you can be sure that your child will not do something that could be dangerous. As your infant gets older, you can start teaching your child how to behave and to begin setting limits. However, since your child's memory and communication skills are still developing, you will need to be patient, be willing to repeat yourself, and teach your child through consistent routines by modeling it yourself. Developmental milestones NEVER hit or shake your baby. Your baby's muscles, especially around the head and neck, are still developing. Bouncing your child gently is fine, but rough movements can tear your child's developing muscles and can cause severe brain damage or even death. Your infant is not old enough to understand why he is being punished, and it damages the safe relationship you have built. The best way to discipline infants is by acting in consistent ways and by modeling how your child should behave. By 6 to 9 months your baby should be crawling, rolling over, and exploring the world around him. Because he does not know yet what is safe or how to act, you will have to teach him. Keep your exploring baby safe by baby-proofing your house. Distract your child from any potential dangers, such as grabbing the cat's tail. Show your child appropriate behavior, and remember that your child learns through repetition. Consistent routines teach your child what to expect and how to act. By 9 months your child should have an eating and sleeping schedule. If bedtime is 8pm, stick to it. If you have a no-candy rule, stick to it. Children who know what to expect have an easier time acting appropriately. Between 12 and 18 months, your child may still become stressed when separated from you. This is normal. Soon your child will learn to expect your return and will have less of a problem with separation. Your child imitates everything you do, from offering hugs to raising your voice. Begin teaching your child right and wrong by modeling it. Do not act in a way you do not want your child to act. Children respond far better to positive discipline techniques, such as praise for doing something right, than negative discipline techniques, such as yelling, for doing something wrong. Your baby craves your attention and approval. If he knows he can get it through positive behaviors, he will learn to act accordingly, but if the only attention he gets is by acting up, he will learn to do that, too. For more information, see Making Your Home Safe for Your Child, Preventing Child Abuse, and Positive Discipline Fosters Empathy and Sympathy. <<back to infant parenting tips menu Discipline is teaching. Discipline is teaching, and it works best when done in a positive and loving way. Parents should be a child's first and best teacher. Your toddler is walking, talking, singing, shouting, crying, exploring, tugging, and demanding lots of attention. Toddlers need to explore and discover. They need to pursue their instincts for curiosity and independence. They also like to test limits. They are learning right from wrong, and they need parental guidance to teach them-and to keep them safe from harm. This is the perfect time to begin setting limits with your child. Let your child know how you expect him to act by talking to him, modeling the behavior yourself, and being consistent with your expectations and responses. Explain to your child why it's important to behave a certain way. Research has shown that children respond better to positive discipline techniques than they do to punishment. Be firm and consistent with your limits, but always remember to praise your child for good behavior. Using positive discipline techniques will help you foster a strong, safe bond between you and your child that will help him learn and grow. The differences between discipline and punishment: Discipline isn't about punishing children for making mistakes. Rather, it's about teaching children what they should be doing instead. Discipline is about setting limits that are appropriate to children's developmental stages and teaching that there are consequences to behaviors. These consequences are more than simply getting sent to time out or getting spanked. Discipline teaches children how to follow rules, the difference between right and wrong, and how to behave even when adults are not around. Teaching and disciplining children in a caring way helps them feel secure and safe. This promotes their emotional growth and self-esteem. Punishment typically is a negative reaction to a distinct and immediate behavior. The goal of punishment is to get your child to "obey." Punishment may work at that moment, but does not have lasting value. Developmental milestones Toddlers can be aggressive, possessive, and easily frustrated. Temper tantrums can be frequent, but they are a normal part of child development. Your child does not know yet the words to explain his emotions. When a tantrum happens, remain calm and help your child describe how he is feeling. Do not give in-giving in to a tantrum shows your toddler he can get his way through screaming and yelling. Potty-training accidents are a normal part of child development and should not be punished. Instead, remember to praise your child for his successes. Your toddler may have difficulty sharing or following rules. Teach your child by modeling good behavior and insisting upon it when he plays with others. Be consistent. Try to avoid negative words and tones like: no, don't, stop it, quit that, cut it out, and shut up. Your child will mimic what you say and how you say it. Yelling at children teaches them that yelling is "okay." It should be saved for critical moments when a child's safety is in danger. Children 3 years and older can begin to understand that actions have consequences. At this age, make sure your child understands the consequences for misbehavior and carry them out consistently. Don't expect your child to do as you ask the first time. Tell your child what to do rather than only what not to do. Instead of saying, "Don't spill your milk," say, "Hold your milk carefully in both hands, like this, so that you don't spill it." Your child should know when to say "please" and "thank you." 2- and 3-year-olds are constantly looking for your attention, approval, and affection. Children will work hard to please you if they are treated with love and respect. In fact, children will work harder to get a positive response than they will to avoid a negative one. For more information, see Making Your Home Safe for Your Child, Preventing Child Abuse, and Positive Discipline Fosters Empathy and Sympathy. <<back to 2 to 3 years of age parenting tips menu Discipline is teaching. Children need and like to know what is expected of them. Be clear and consistent with your rules, but also be sure to make them fair, reasonable, and appropriate for your child's stage of development. Your child will eventually be asking "why?" and you will need to give him answers. As children grow, limits change, so examine your limits periodically to be sure they are still appropriate and useful. The success of positive discipline depends on establishing a relationship of trust and respect with your child. Spending quality time with your child, reading together, playing together, being consistent, and modeling good behavior strengthens this relationship. Remember to praise your child for good behavior. This makes a much bigger impact than punishing bad behavior. Talk to your child about his emotions. Giving him words to explain his feelings will help him express them more appropriately. Developmental Milestones Your child should be willing to share and cooperating with other children. He is also learning what causes emotions such as happiness, sadness, and anger. Helping your child understand that other people have feelings, too, will help your child learn why sharing is important, name-calling is mean, and hitting hurts. Your child will be asking "why?" and "how?" so be prepared to defend your rules and decisions. Choose your battles. Ignore some of the minor mistakes and misbehaviors, but be consistent with what you accept and what you limit. Your child understands that actions have consequences: "If you hit the cat, it will scratch you," or, "If you touch the stove, it will hurt." Use consequences to improve your child's behavior. You can tell your child that if he won't play nicely on the playground, then he will have to go home. Remember to praise good behavior. This is an important part of discipline. Your child is old enough to begin playing a role in making decisions. When making rules, let your child choose between several acceptable options. Giving him a say in the process will make him more likely to follow the rule. Your child should be able to follow three instructions at a time, such as "take off your shoes, wash your hands, and come to the table." He can also help with chores around the house, but he may need reminders to do things sometimes. Your child looks to your for attention and approval. He learns lots every day and is eager to share it with you. Spend time with your child just having fun. Being a parent isn't all discipline. For more information, see Making Your Home Safe for Your Child, Preventing Child Abuse, and Positive Discipline Fosters Empathy and Sympathy. <<back to 4 to 5 years of age parenting tips menu